Chapter 1. Bad Memories

MONDAY, 4:10 P.M.
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“Why don’t you start by telling me how you broke the news to your mother.” Dr. Garrison suggested.
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“Um…ok. Well, I was talking with her about my visit to the storage building. I’d brought back the key.” I began.
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“The one where Scott’s belongings are kept?” Dr. Garrison asked.
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“Yes. I accidentally let it slip that I’d taken Sean with me, and….well, she made a big deal over it. She thought Sean and I were a couple.” I said, remembering how it had come out.
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SUNDAY, 10:00 A.M.
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“Hold on—did I just hear you say that you took Sean to…to look through Scott’s things?” Mom had asked.
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I’d winced and silently cursed myself for letting it slip.
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“Uh…yeah.” I had said, trying to sound nonchalant.
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“Well…that’s just wonderful!” she’d said, and I’d been horrified to see tears in her eyes.
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“Mom….” I’d started to say, trying to forestall what I knew was coming.
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“I am just so happy you are becoming close to someone. And he’s so handsome!” she’d said, and I could practically see the visions of wedding dresses and china patterns dancing in her mind.
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I couldn’t bear to let her get her hopes up any higher.
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“Mom,” I’d said firmly, “it isn’t like that with us. In fact, I need to tell you something.”
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After I’d told her the truth about the deal I’d worked out with Nick after helping him with the first case and the reason that I’d wanted to visit the storage building, I’d waited with dread for her reaction.
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“Oh, Eddie.” she had said, sadness in her eyes.
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“I’m sorry that I lied, Mom. I didn’t want you to worry about my safety, and I didn’t want to get your hopes up about finding Scott.” I’d said miserably.
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“Oh honey—I’m not worried about that. I mean, I am, but it’s not my biggest worry.” she’d said. I must have looked confused because she went on to explain.
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“You are an adult, and I know you will take care of yourself—and I know that Sean and…is it Nick? I have every confidence that they will do their best to protect you as well. But…I worry that you’re closing yourself off to…well, to life, I guess. You are going to let your desire to find Scott consume you until there is nothing left for you—and Scott would never have wanted that.” she’d said.
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“Mom…I won’t let it take over.” I’d insisted.
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“Eddie—I’ve watched you do it before. Please don’t make me watch you do it again.” she had said.
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MONDAY 4:30 P.M.
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“And what do you think about her concerns?” Dr. Garrison asked, bringing me back to the present.
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I remained silent for a few beats before reluctantly saying, “I admit that they may be…warranted.”
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Dr. Garrison regarded me carefully.
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“I think we should talk about Jonah.” he said quietly.
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I stared at him bleakly as that sank in. I’d known he was going to say that. Ever since Mom had voiced her particular worry, I’d known I would have to face this particular dragon again. That’s what happens when you only pretend to slay a dragon.
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“I…I know.” I said. I looked down at my hands.
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“How did Jonah make you feel?” Dr. Garrison asked.
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He’s going to make me say it again. He knows damn well how he made me feel, I fumed silently.
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“Happy.” I said in a hollow voice. “He made me…so happy.” And the memory of it made me so sad. The loss of it washed over me, leaving me feeling defeated as I remembered the day it had all gone wrong.
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MORNING, ABOUT FOUR YEARS AGO
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When I’d awakened, he was curled against my back. I could feel his breath against my shoulder. He nuzzled my shoulder and I sighed in happy anticipation of how we’d probably spend the morning.
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“Mmmm. If you don’t stop that, we won’t be getting breakfast anytime soon.” I had murmured.
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“Hmm…I need more information before deciding how to proceed. What’s for breakfast?” he had asked.
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“Ed’s famous French toast.” I’d whispered.
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“Tough decision. Maybe I’ll let you make your French toast, then we can come back to bed?” he had suggested.
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“Sounds like a plan.” I’d said, then rolled out of bed. He’d jumped up and pulled on a pair of boxers.
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I’d slid into a robe and padded out to get the paper. And that’s when I’d noticed the date.
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My hands had started trembling and I’d wandered back into the house in a daze.
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The fourth anniversary of the day that Scott had disappeared had occurred the day before, and I hadn’t remembered. Jonah and I had spent the day together. We’d been dating for five months, and were completely immersed in each other—so much so that I hadn’t thought about Scott in weeks.
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I’d broken up with Jonah two days later. He’d married someone else two years ago, and about one year ago I’d heard that he and his wife were expecting a baby.
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MONDAY , 4:32 P.M.
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“And what else?” Dr. Garrison asked.
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“I’m sorry?” I asked, distracted. I’d lost the thread of the conversation.
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“What else did being with Jonah make you feel?” Dr. Garrison asked.
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I pondered that question for a few moments before answering.
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“Guilty. Being happy with him made me feel guilty.” I finally said.
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“Why?” Dr. Garrison asked.
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“He made me forget about Scott.” I said. I suppressed the trembling of my bottom lip as I tried not to cry.
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Authorial interjection: Next chapter/Previous chapter links will disappear from the bottom of these posts from here on out because I changed my blog theme, and this particular blog format actually creates the links automatically at the top and bottom of the post (though it simply links to the next or previous post, so sometimes it will go to a story note or something that I posted in between chapters).

• July 18, 2010
• An Edith Prescott Mystery: Story 3
• 69 Comments