Chapter 24. Confession

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“It’s time to ‘fess up, Ed.  What happened between you and Sean in France?” Belinda asked as Kendra stood by with absolutely no compassion or mercy for me.

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Alright, so it wasn’t exactly like that.  But that’s what it felt like.

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I’d gone to work and when Kendra found out that I was going to meet Belinda for drinks at the Sun Song Tavern, she’d asked to come along.  Instead of having a training session with Belinda on a Monday night, I was facing down two strong-willed women on the deck of a beach bar.

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There were worse places to be interrogated—the salt-tinged breeze coming off of the water and the colors formed by the sinking sun were somewhat relaxing.  The alcohol that was seeping into my bloodstream wasn’t bad, either—they’d pushed an umbrella drink into my hands as soon as we arrived– I’d polished that off and was waiting for a second.

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“C’mon Ed, spill already!  We’re dying to know!” Kendra urged, giggling.

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I’d cancelled my appointment with Dr. Garrison for today because I wanted to be able to catch up at work, so I hadn’t told anyone about what had happened with Sean.  It would be so natural to tell them about it—what could be more natural than dishing about a flirtation and possible budding romance to two girlfriends over cocktails?

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Besides, I’d get something different from them than I would from Dr. Garrison—I’d get opinions.  Dr. Garrison’s approach seemed designed to get me to be honest about how I felt about a given situation, so that I could confront it and come up with my own advice.  While that was certainly a good thing, sometimes I just wanted to bounce ideas off someone else.  I wanted an outside perspective.

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“He…made it clear that he’s attracted to me.  And he kissed me.” I mumbled.

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“Holy crap!” Kendra burst out, while Belinda grinned widely.

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“I knew it!” Belinda said triumphantly.

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“So are you….dating or something?” Kendra asked.

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“I don’t think so.  I’m reluctant, and he knows that.  He knows I’m not ready to really….uh…be with him.” I said.

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“Why aren’t you ready?” Belinda asked bluntly.  There was no censure in her question—just curiosity.

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Kendra, on the other hand, made an impatient noise and muttered “Yeah—what gives?”

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“I’m working with him.  If it goes badly, I don’t think I’m professional enough to continue working with him.  Working for Rocca Investigations is the best chance I have at finding my brother, and I can’t jeopardize that.” I said.

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“Honey, it would so be worth it, even if it did go badly.  That man is hot, and not only that but he’s hot for you!  It’s one of those mistakes worth making.” Kendra said cheerfully.

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“Besides, Ed—who says it’s going to go badly?” Belinda asked.

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“No one—but how much do I really know about him?  I’ve only known him for…what, like a month or a little longer?  I’m not even sure what he wants from me, exactly.  I mean, I don’t know if he just wants a few sessions between the sheets, or if he wants something more.”  I said.

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“Well, I can tell you this much—I’ve never seen him like this before, and I’ve known him since Rocca Investigations began.  He practically glows every time you come in the room.”  Belinda insisted.

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I didn’t know what to say to that.

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“Ed…how long has it been since you were…intimate with a man?” Kendra asked.

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“Um….not since…college.” I admitted.

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“Are you kidding me?” Kendra asked, aghast.  “That was…what, three or four years ago?”

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“So?” I asked defensively.  “I’ve been…preoccupied.”

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“Yeah, shelving books takes a lot of concentration.” Kendra responded sarcastically.

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“I’m amazed she didn’t rip his clothes off the minute he smiled at her.” Belinda said to Kendra while staring at me in fascination.

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“I’m going to go check on our drinks.” I said irritably and shot up out of my seat.

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“Honey, we’re just teasing you a bit—but it is kinda amazing.” Kendra said.

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“What’s so amazing about being cautious?  About wanting to make sure that he doesn’t just want to jump my bones and then go back to being chums?  I could seriously fall for him, so hard—it could kill me when he leaves.”  I said, and I hated the way my voice shook on the last words.  Then, once I realized what I’d said, I was stunned.  Kendra and Belinda were staring at me, but their eyes were sympathetic.  I frowned at them and whirled away.

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“I’ll go get the drinks.” I muttered.  I was upset–I got what I was looking for, and it turned out I couldn’t handle it.  So much for wanting an outside perspective…I thought bitterly.

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• May 31, 2010
• An Edith Prescott Mystery: Story 2
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